


a bird in the hand

by rotrograde



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Birds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Pre-Relationship, dimitri's sad, heresy i know, it's unintended at the very least, there is no actual drinking of much tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotrograde/pseuds/rotrograde
Summary: ...is worth none at all.Byleth and Dimitri have tea together; the conversation gets lively.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	a bird in the hand

Byleth found it in the bushes outside his room. 

It was a small and fragile thing, and something wholly unfamiliar. He knew about birds—and he often liked to watch them from the greenhouse from time to time—but the one he'd found was so _small._ Only the size of his palm at most, and if he didn't know better, he'd think it was fake. But it was very much alive, and he watched its labored breathing with a slight prickle of panic in his fingertips. 

He'd heard some cats causing a fuss outside, which was what prompted him to even leave his room. Dusk was falling and left the atmosphere hazy, coating everything in a dark blue that stuck like dye. He'd looked around and didn't see anything, at first. But then a cat—a black one in particular—slunk out from underneath the bushes, and that's when he saw it drop something. And that's where he currently found himself, in the grass and crouched low to the ground, the tiny bird cupped protectively in his hands. 

There was blood, bright and red, around its legs and clotting in its fawn-colored feathers at its belly. The same red was leaking out of its bright orange beak, and Byleth was just glad he'd even deigned to come out and investigate when he did. To find the poor thing in such a state on the morrow would have been...heartbreaking, honestly. And it was easy to tell just from looking at it now that it was on death's threshold.

He didn't bother to move from where he sat while he went to work. Healing magic worked just as well on the horses as it did humans, and he was relieved to see it was the same for the little creature. The soft white glow emanating from his palms warmed the space between them, and he watched as the bird's breathing steadied itself, becoming more even and not quite as heavy as the moments passed. 

It was then he could see the deformity. Its wing was shaped oddly, bent inwards at the outer joint like it'd been broken some time ago. He winced as he looked it over, his chest feeling tight at the thought. He could have fixed it, but that would have required breaking the wing again to get it repositioned just right before he tried to mend it. He was no veterinarian, and besides, the bird was far too small and fragile to do such a thing to it. 

So he'd brought it in, holding it close to his chest. He had no idea what he'd even do with the little thing, but he was determined to figure something out. 

*  
It was Flayn who helped him find a suitable cage for the bird. Byleth had housed it safely within a box for the first night, figuring it'd probably like the dark warmth with the handkerchief he'd placed in with it. But when morning came and he heard the soft chirping from within, he knew he'd need to find something else far more suitable for it. The idea of releasing it back into the wild with its deformity left him feeling uneasy, and he at least wanted to hold onto it for a few days before he possibly handed it over to someone else entirely. 

Flayn had already been there at his door the next day to fetch him for Rhea. She'd heard the bird's voice and asked what it could possibly be, and after Byleth explained the situation, she promised to be back with something useful. She kept to her word and upon his return he found a cage on his desk, decently sized to allow the bird to move around in comfortably. It wouldn't compare to the outdoors of course, but it was big enough for the moment that it wouldn't go stir crazy. Hopefully. 

To his surprise, when offered, the bird went in with no issues. It hopped right up onto his finger and let him relocate it, where it jumped onto the nearest makeshift perch and started to preen itself. Byleth watched it as it moved, oddly soothed by such mundane and simple actions. But they were so concise, and the bird was rather particular about how its feathers should lie on its body. In proper lighting he could better appreciate its colorful plumage, and he lost track of time as he watched it readjust its ruffled down back into place against its body. 

It had bright orange feathers in stark, contrasting circles on its cheeks. Underneath its tawny wings were patches of darker brown feathers sprinkled over with white dots, and its belly was slightly lighter than the rest of the plumage capping its top half. The sunlight caught its eyes and brightened them up into a beautiful umber, and Byleth had to admit he quickly found himself quite smitten with the little bird. 

On top of it being one he'd never seen before, it wasn't documented in any of the library's encyclopedias. He was able to find entries in journals that recorded the more tropical lands outside Fódlan that depicted similar birds, and it was with the information from those that he was able to piece together a proper plan on caring for it. It seemed to be a surprisingly simple creature; if it really was along the same feather of other species akin to it, then all it dined on were seeds compatible with its beak structure, and miscellaneous fresh produce. 

The seeds were harder to come by, but it was easy enough to save a few morsels of food from what he'd dined on to bring back to it. Byleth still found himself feeling guilty over the fact he'd just brought it inside against its will, but for its part, it never seemed to really mind. Its voice beeped out excitedly at him when he entered the room, and it would always peep quietly to him in the last few hours before bed. Its song was surprisingly complex and loud, and it always happily performed for him when the sun was shining low through his windows. 

Byleth found himself talking to it. He'd started to practice lectures at it, reading stories to it, even going so far as to asking its opinions on things. He never got an answer, of course, but he was always charmed by the curious tilting of its head, and the little noise it'd make back at him. Once some few weeks had passed he tried to let it out, and once more to his pleasant surprise, it was content to hop into his hand and sit on him in various places on his body while he worked. 

It was a strange companion he'd picked up for sure, but a very endearing one nonetheless. Flayn would visit it often as well, and even brought Seteth along with her once to show it to him. Seteth, to no one's surprise, didn't seem to have an opinion on it going one way or the other, but Byleth could have sworn he saw a little smile pluck at the corners of the man's lips when Flayn mimicked its noises back to it. Flayn remained its only visitor, and she'd visit so often to the point Byleth just left his door unlocked for her for whenever she happened to stop by. That was a bad habit he didn't realize he'd gotten himself into, and while he trusted the people of the monastery, it never occurred to him anyone might just...walk in. 

Especially with that someone being Dimitri, of all people. 

It was a colder night, with the chill winds blowing steadily in from Faerghus to leave the evening air uncomfortably brisk. Byleth had meant to take the bird back outside before it got like this, to somewhere safer, but in the end he'd failed to do so. Every time he thought about getting around to it, he convinced himself it wasn't a good idea. He didn't want to inevitably find it dead later on down the road, after all. And it seemed to enjoy his company, so...it stayed with him.

It stopped singing as Byleth and Dimitri locked eyes. While in reality only a few seconds had transpired between them, it felt like an eternity before Dimitri finally cleared his throat and spoke up. 

“I...am so sorry, Professor,” he said, clearly awkward as he looked around Byleth's room. He'd been in it before, but now he looked like a frightened animal in an unfamiliar place, cornered by the apex. 

“It's all right,” Byleth said. “Is something wrong?” 

He was starting to doubt whether or not Dimitri heard him before he shook his head. His eyes had found the bird, and while Byleth did suppose this was his first time seeing it, to stare at it so intensely was...a little unnerving, to say the least. 

“No,” Dimitri answered. “No, nothing's wrong. I simply don't know what came over myself. I had a question for you, and I meant to knock...” 

Byleth could see him blushing as he fidgeted with his coat's cuffs. Carefully, he put down the tome he'd been taking notes from, and turned in his seat to properly face Dimitri. He had one of those expressions on his usually composed face that could read anything from _I set the kitchen aflame_ to _I went too far with training and someone was injured in the process._

Byleth expected either one, but it didn't seem he'd be getting anything at all. 

“This is new.” Dimitri gestured to the bird with a hand. He'd tried to laugh, but Byleth's ear was trained to hear the insincerity in it. He was stressed out about something, and distantly, Byleth found himself wondering if he was afraid of birds. 

“Kind of,” he'd replied, sparing a quick glance towards the creature. “It's been with me for about a month now. I found it injured outside, and brought it in to care for it. I haven't the heart to let it go back out there in the cold.” 

“Ah.” Dimitri nodded. He was distracted, and his shift in demeanor had Byleth feeling that prick of curiosity he could never sate until he succeeded in being too nosy for his own good. 

“Would you like a seat?” he asked Dimitri, gesturing to the spare chair next to his desk. “I can make some tea as well. It's...unusual for you to be here at so late an hour. Are you sure everything's all right?” 

Dimitri visibly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, before he seemed to inwardly cave. Slowly he moved to grab the chair and sit down, though Byleth couldn't help but notice he was keeping a healthy distance from the two of them. 

“Tea might be good,” Dimitri murmured, his gaze back on the bird. 

Byleth nodded—uselessly, because Dimitri wasn't even looking at him—and set about his room to gather the necessary supplies. 

“You're fond of chamomile, yes?” he asked, his back to Dimitri while he idly flicked through a tin container of tea leaves. 

“Yes.” The answer was quiet, but it was all Byleth needed. He set about to preparing their beverages, using his own reserves of fire magic to help the teapot along and hasten the process. 

With his hand pressed to the side of the container, he turned at the waist to look back towards Dimitri. “Sugar?” he asked. “Or honey? Or...anything else?” 

Byleth had to admit he was relieved when Dimitri shook his head. His answer of nothing in particular was much easier to work with when he realized he didn't have anything at all to put in the tea. He was far more used to doing this at the dining hall, apparently. 

It didn't take long for the water to reach a suitable boiling point. Satisfied, Byleth poured it into a couple of simple mugs, before adding the leaves to steep. He walked the few steps to Dimitri to hand him his cup, and while he'd accepted, Byleth didn't make any move to sit back in his own chair. 

“So what's wrong?” He leaned a hip against his desk, and draped an arm across his waist. He knew he sounded like a broken record at this point, but it was hard to not be concerned when Dimitri wore such a despondent expression. “I can tell something's bothering you.” 

Dimitri looked away from the bird and into his cup, his shoulders slowly slouching in small, jagged increments. Even with him trying to take up as little space as possible, he was still such a _tall_ man, his torso alone almost keeping him on par with Byleth's standing height. It made it easier to watch his face though, and Byleth watched it carefully, with the addition of a silent appreciation for his eyelashes. 

“I had a bird once,” Dimitri said, idly swirling the tea around in his mug. 

“Oh?” 

“Almost like that one. But a little bigger, and a little rounder. A gift from my stepmother.” A smile plucked at his lips, and while Byleth wanted to comment on how nice that was, or how pleasant it sounded, he knew better at that point. It was best to just let Dimitri linger on and enjoy whatever positive memories he had now, before the awful ones came flooding in further down the conversation. And perhaps that was a cruel thing to assume, but...well. 

“It had such a beautiful song. It was a canary, if you're familiar with the species. It was truly relaxing to listen to it sing.” 

Byleth hummed a quiet reply. He wasn't familiar with canaries, but he'd done enough reading to stumble across them a few times in his research. All the entries had described them as rare and exotic, having a beautiful melody, a light and airy rill that nobles in particular seemed to enjoy; it only figured Dimitri would have had one when he was younger. 

“Its feathers were a lovely white, like the color of snow in the moonlight.” Dimitri chuckled softly, canting his head to the side. “In fact, that is what I had named her: Snow.

“She was kept in a gilded cage, suspended in a window in my childhood room. Just out of reach, so I wouldn't accidentally knock her to the floor, or...anything else unpredictable.” 

Dimitri sighed. He moved to take a drink of his tea, and while he was occupied, Byleth grabbed his chair and slid it next to Dimitri's. He sat down and crossed one leg loosely over the other, propping himself up with it as he leaned forward onto an elbow. 

Dimitri stared at the floor underneath his spread knees. He had his drink suspended in both hands between them, and his own form slouched even further forward than Byleth's. 

“Of course, that did not stop me. Watching her day in and day out was fun for me, at first. But then I noticed she seemed to sing less often as the days went on. I would do my best to encourage her, but I think I mostly just frightened her. And after a while, it was easy, even for a child like to me, to tell she was unhappy. I thought that perhaps if I could reach her, I could let her out of that cage, and allow her to experience a freedom outside of those bars. 

“So one day, I dragged a chair from my desk over to the window. It wasn't quite enough to make it a comfortable reach without straining myself, but in the end, I prevailed, and I opened her door.” 

Dimitri's voice faltered, and he paused. 

“You don't have to talk about this, you know,” Byleth said, filling the momentary silence with what he hoped were reassuring words. He even offered him a small smile, something Dimitri looked up just in time to see. 

“No, it's all right.” Dimitri managed his own smile, and with some light back in his eyes. “I actually haven't told anyone about this before, and it weighs heavy on my mind sometimes...” 

He shook his head, looking back to the floor. 

“She didn't come out at first. I should have just taken that as a sign that she was content where she was. That she was afraid of the outside world. Scared of me. But I was a foolish child, thinking I could liberate her, and let her live a life outside of that jail with me. I tried to coax her out. I...wasn't a particularly gentle child. I was clumsy and rough, and instead of just simply trying to shake her cage, I practically wrenched it from the ceiling. 

“Unfortunate, that I hadn't been gentler. She fluttered out of that cage with such a swift velocity that it startled me, and it knocked me off my balance. While the chair tipped over and sent me to my defeat on the floor, she'd also flown into the wall, and disappeared behind a dresser of mine.” 

Dimitri bit his lip. His leg had started bouncing, a steady and firm rhythm that had Byleth afraid he might spill his tea over himself. Somehow he didn't, even if his eyes were glossy and distant, his mind elsewhere, so far away from Byleth's room and their worldly structure. 

“I'm sure you've noticed I...have a difficult hold on myself, sometimes. If it's not the anger, then it's my own strength. I've always been like this, and I'm ashamed of it. But not as much as I am with what I did next... Naturally, my first instinct was to help her. I could move the dresser on my own, and so I did, and with ease. I only moved it back enough to the point I could see where she had fallen, and could attempt to reach out and get her. 

“She was stunned, of course. She looked fine, and I should have let her be. I should have just tried to find the nearest nanny. But I was afraid of the consequences. I was always in some trouble or another over breaking things, precious things, because I couldn't control myself. I didn't want anyone finding out I had done what I did. So I reached for her, not realizing she was farther from my grasp than I had originally anticipated.” 

Byleth, finally, could see where this was all going. He set his untouched tea to the side, and he reached out instead to offer a comforting touch to Dimitri's arm. He barely reacted, but Byleth could see his eyes flick down to his hand momentarily, before sliding back to the bird. 

“I struggled to get her. In her stunned state, she was even more afraid of me. She would move away from me every time I got close to her, and I suppose that irritated me. It got to the point where I, ah...where I shoved the dresser away, more than enough to expose where she'd been hiding. 

“She looked so _terrified _as she gazed up at me. Her feathers were flat to her body, making her look so much smaller. Her eyes were wide, her heart was beating quickly in her breast, and as I went to grab for her, she attempted to fly away. But I...I had been close enough to get her. I lost control of myself. I lunged for her before she could get away, and the next thing I knew, I had her by the wing.”__

__Byleth's bird peeped quietly at them. He quickly glanced over at it, almost having jumped at the noise. All it was doing was tucking its beak innocuously into its wing though, pressed flat to its perch with all its feathers and down puffed out to make it look so impossibly round. Still, Byleth looked back to Dimitri with worry. He seemed to still be so far gone, and mindlessly, Byleth slid his fingers down his arm, to his hand. He grabbed and held onto it, squeezing it gently with his fingers wrapped around his palm._ _

__That brought the smallest of smiles to Dimitri's lips. It didn't reach his sorrowful eyes, but Byleth took it as a small victory. An ever so faint light in the apparent abysmal darkness of his life._ _

__“I probably don't need to tell you what happened next,” Dimitri said, looking idly to the bird again. It had settled in to sleep, peacefully unaware of the dangers of the outside world._ _

__“But I hurt her. I'll never forget the noise she made when I did. I snapped her wing nearly in two, and I...I never saw her again after that. A caretaker of mine had heard the commotion and came to check in on me, and once she saw what had happened, she understandably took Snow away. While she was still alive when she left me, I'm...I'm sure she didn't make it much longer after that.”_ _

__Dimitri went quiet. He hung his head low between his shoulders, his soft, golden hair falling to obscure his face completely. Byleth's heart broke at the sight, and he carefully slid his chair a little closer to Dimitri's side. It was overstepping an academic boundary, but he didn't care; Byleth was just like everyone else at the end of the day, more or less, and he liked to think he and Dimitri were good friends. Or he hoped so, anyway._ _

__He took his hand from Dimitri's and rubbed it over his thigh instead, his palm sliding gently down to his knee. He kept it there while he looked at the back of Dimitri's head, his skillfully stilled shoulders._ _

__“You were a child, Dimitri,” he said. “And you were innocent. No one truly knows the fault of their ways until it's...until it's too late to go back from them. And even then, it doesn't color you as someone who would maliciously do something like that on purpose. You didn't know better.”_ _

__Byleth's expression had pulled itself into a deep pout. He wanted to wrap his arms around Dimitri's shoulders and hug him, embrace him close against his chest, but even he knew that would be more akin to a leap across the boundary, rather than taking a second step. Dimitri seemed to appreciate the currently offered touch, but Byleth wanted to keep comfort at a maximum, and avoid any possibility of something otherwise._ _

__“That's what everyone told me.” Dimitri rubbed his cheek, and sniffed hard between his words. His voice was thick and rife with emotion, yet he still looked up, his posture subtly straightening out. He still wasn't looking at Byleth, which disappointed him in an inexplicable way. A selfish way, if he had to be honest with himself._ _

__“I try to extend that same leniency and patience to myself, but it's hard. Knowing I was the cause of that is...it's hard.”_ _

__Dimitri put his tea to the side, next to Byleth's where he'd left it on his desk. It was half-finished, and Byleth's was full. It filled the air with a wonderful aroma, but it couldn't do much else; there really was no soothing these specific wounds of the heart._ _

__“Anyway,” Dimitri sighed, “I'm sorry, Professor. You didn't ask for any of that, yet here I am, prattling on about myself as usual. It truly was not my intention to dampen your evening with my melancholic recollections of my childhood.”_ _

__He looked at Byleth with a weak smile. It hurt Byleth's heart to always hear him resort to self-deprecation as an explanation for any situation, and he shook his head, his grip tightening on Dimitri's knee._ _

__“Please don't say that,” he muttered. “I'm always here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. It's the least I can do, after everything you've done for me. And...I like getting to know more about you, Dimitri, even when it comes to hearing about memories like these.”_ _

__Byleth could see the surprise in Dimitri's expression, gone as quickly as it had come. “Well, I...thank you, Professor,” he said, looking to the side. “I promise you one of these nights I'll tell you of the more positive moments of my childhood. It wasn't all doom and gloom, I assure you.”_ _

__He laughed. So softly and sweetly, invoking a sense of _calm_ ; like a babbling river running over its bed of rocks, the water sprinkled over in golden, sunlit sparkles. Byleth loved hearing it. He loved seeing any of the students happy and enjoying their lives, but especially so when it came to Dimitri. He always looked so troubled when he thought no one was looking, and he was always seeking out a distraction in any way he could manage. Sothis had been right on that night when they'd first met the golden trio, that there was a certain darkness lurking underneath the otherwise chipper and painfully polite portrayal Dimitri gave off. It was at its most obvious in moments like these, when Dimitri cracked and let himself spill over his strained edges. And while Byleth hated seeing it, it also brought him joy in knowing Dimitri was comfortable enough to come to him to talk about it. But at that moment... _ _

__“You look exhausted, Dimitri,” Byleth said, offering one more soft squeeze to his knee. “I know you've been having trouble sleeping lately, but I do wish you'd try. I can't force you of course, but if you would want it, I could walk you back to your room.”_ _

__“Professor, I assure you, it's fi—”_ _

__Dimitri heaved a heavy breath, and pursed his lips. “I mean...yes. Perhaps I should let you. You are right; I am feeling rather enervated.”_ _

__He leaned back in his chair, still looking guilty and awkward, but more so than before at the very least. Byleth could feel a soft smile of gratitude tug at the corners of his mouth._ _

__“I'll be yours for the duration of the trip, then,” he reassured him. “But afterwards, you'll be free to do as you please.”_ _

__Dimitri chuckled quietly. “I suppose I can't argue with that.”_ _

__“Good.” Byleth got to his feet and grabbed his coat from where he'd slung it over his chair. He looked to Dimitri as he slid it on his shoulders, that same smile still lingering on his lips. “Shall we?”_ _

__*  
The walk back to the second-floor dormitories was blissfully uneventful. The moon was still hung high, and its pale, silver glow overlaid the land as a chiffon veil. The air was bitterly cold but it was refreshingly crisp, and the stars seemed brighter as they shimmered and blinked overhead. _ _

__Byleth couldn't help but notice it had been mostly him looking up. He probably looked like a fool compared to Dimitri, who kept his eyes on the ground. He didn't say much at all, just sparing an idle comment about how the weather reminded him of home. Byleth didn't press the topic too much._ _

__Dimitri did laugh again one more time, at the very least. Byleth had stepped down hard on a loose floorboard, and the ensuing, grating squeak from it had him freezing in alarm. It had been so quiet up until that point, and while he was worried and fretting about someone hearing it, Dimitri had snorted and let his reaction snowball from there._ _

__“I'm sorry,” he whispered, stepping in closer next to Byleth. “But the look on your face, Professor...it was the first time I've seen you pull that kind of expression.” He giggled again, and while Byleth was a little embarrassed, he couldn't help but laugh quietly, too._ _

__The rest of the short jaunt down the hallway lacked further unwelcome squeaky surprises, and they were soon at Dimitri's door._ _

__They both paused at it. Dimitri went to reach out and unlock it, and his hand brushed lightly against the back of Byleth's. Dimitri paused, looking at his hand thoughtfully. Then it came back to himself, to his side, before suddenly reaching for Byleth's._ _

__“Thank you, Professor,” Dimitri murmured, his fingers wrapping shyly around Byleth's. “Not only for tonight, but for everything you do. Truly, if not for you, I...I don't know where I'd be. So many unexpected occurrences have happened over these past few months for us to take care of, and...not all of them pleasant. Without someone as steadfast and resolved as you are about things, I really do think I'd be a mess at this point.”_ _

__He puffed out a soft noise of amusement. “I know what you're going to say, too. That you're just doing what you can to help. But I really do appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. Enough so that...I find it...tempting...to take you away with me, once I can finally ascend the throne back home.”_ _

__Byleth's eyes widened. But before he could say anything, Dimitri was shaking his head._ _

__“Ah, forgive me, please.” He let go of Byleth and stepped up to his door again, the slight glimmer of a key shimmering in his hand. “That was spoken out of turn. Thank you again, Professor. Now please, go and get some rest for yourself as well. For me.”_ _

__He smiled, and Byleth felt the faintest flutter in his chest._ _

__“Of course,” he said. “I'll see you tomorrow, Dimitri.”_ _

__“And you as well.”_ _

__Dimitri was quick to slip into his room, and Byleth was slow on getting back to his. He couldn't help but ruminate on those words, and how they made him feel. He didn't know exactly how to parse the feelings that made his fingertips tingle, and burn the feeling of Dimitri's hand around his into his mind. Honestly, he didn't know what to think at all about anything that had just happened when he finally made it back to his room._ _

__He shut the door behind him and merely sat down. He stayed there well past his candle finally burning out, his eyes glued to the bird in its cage. It continued to sleep, without a worry to its nonexistent name. Naming it did cross his mind while he sat there, but as always, a name never seemed to come to him. It was its own being, and tacking something onto it that it couldn't consent to didn't feel right. But if it was a term of endearment, much like the name Dimitri's bird had, then he thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad._ _

__It didn't feel like the right time for such things, though._ _

__Even as Byleth continued to sit there, watching the bird until the early hours of the morning, pondering. Even as he thought about the irony of calling it _Blue, _and that maybe, it was best after all that it stayed with him.___ _

**Author's Note:**

> help i've fallen and i don't want to get up  
> ♦ [tumblr](https://rotrograde.tumblr.com/)  
> ♦ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rotrograde)


End file.
